Related Quotes

One has to secrete a jelly in which to slip quotations down people’s throats – and one always secretes too much jelly.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It’s called living.

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president.

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

I don’t know much about football. I know what a goal is, which is surely the main thing about football.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.

Work while you work, play while you play – this is a basic rule of repressive self-discipline.

I don’t think there’s a punch-line scheduled, is there?

I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.

I’ve always worked a bit like a cook in a big restaurant, where you’ve got lots and lots of things laid out and you go and look into one cauldron and you look into the other and you see what’s coming to the boil.

Archbishop – A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.

Cows are my passion. What I have ever sighed for has been to retreat to a Swiss farm, and live entirely surrounded by cows – and china.

They realized I was alive again, even though I was playing an old, dying sop.

I’m barely prolific and incredibly lazy.

There can be little doubt that absence from work, and inefficient work, are frequently due to intemperance.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.

Housework is a breeze. Cooking is a pleasant diversion. Putting up a retaining wall is a lark. But teaching is like climbing a mountain.

What’s David’s role? David looks good, that’s what David does. David looks good, and I’m the funny one, that’s what I hear constantly. But I keep telling him that looks fade.

No, that’s poker. To win, you’ve gotta get damned lucky.

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.

One should fight like the devil the temptation to think well of editors. They are all, without exception – at least some of the time, incompetent or crazy.