Quote Category

I don’t know why women want any of the things men have when one the things that women have is men.

Gentleness doesn’t get work done unless you happen to be a hen laying eggs.

I never wanted to weigh more heavily on a man than a bird.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle.

Now, therefore, the Directors of the company are hereby ordered to see that precautions are taken to make travel on said railroad perfectly safe by using a screw with at least twenty-four inches diameter.

Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.

An ass may bray a good while before he shakes the stars down.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.